Saturday, March 22, 2014

Better to lie than to love

Sometimes it's better to live alone than love.
Sometimes it's better to lie than to love.
Sometimes it's better to love than to die.
Sometimes it's better to die than to love, or even lie.
And sometimes it's better to love than to live, lie, or even try.
A year has passed since  I last placed an entry into this blog, and it's been a long, cold year gone!
Living alone can grow dark and heavy in the heart.
But sometimes it's better to live alone than love.
Outside is the Texas night and the Texas sky, and the hard, dry ground that sails on the wind
and lands in my eyes.
Noses clog shut, and airways gasp dust, and hair flounces trails of particles from fields across the county.
Sometimes song is all I have to express what my heart feels, and sometimes song is sad.
But even sad song can be uplifting, as you well know, so I just let it be, though the tears press hard on my mind until I let them go.
D is a wonder who struggles with her desire to die. A wonder because she always hugs her soul around her and hold tight to life, and finds another sunset in her eyes.
Life and living it can be painful and hard, and often not worth a damn!
But it's not for me to decide, and it's not for you to decide, and it's not for some judge, or priest, or minister or shaman to decide.
I find it's enough to accept the gift of breath and sight, and touch and sound, and let the whole thing ride.
Is God real? Is God aware of my little life, and my little dreams, and my little hurts that seem so selfish when viewed in comparison to so many other suffering people in this world?
Sleep is becoming a stranger to me, and I miss sleep's calming presence in my life.
My eyes are open more than they are closed, far more than they are closed, and my mind keeps churning out ribbons of visions and tales that dance in the shadows of the firelight.
So I'll be back again - maybe in a year or two. We'll see.
Sometimes it's better to listen than speak.